Flight Voyager
by Qtheallpowerful
Summary: Humor, the final fronter. These are the voyages of the starship Voyager, its really long mission to seek out new cups of coffee, and ways to drink them, to bodly go back to Earth.
1. Take Off

YAY! this is the second story I've posted. YAY! please review it. if you do i will give you a cookie!

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HI! My name is Qfan. Well actually…it's not, but that's not really the point now is it? No, I didn't think so. The point is that I am Qfan and I shall be your author for this story. Bows But you probably already knew that, seeing as at the top of the page next to where it says Author it says Qfan, hence proving that I, Qfan, am the author. OK then, we all agree that although my name isn't _actually _Qfan, that I am indeed Qfan and therefor the author of this story. Right? OK good.

OK. So as the author, which we have just agreed that I am, I shall proceed to write this story, because, as you know, that is what authors do. They write stories. OK then. Here we go.

"Hello, my name is Captain Janeway," said Captain Janeway." I shall be your captain for the remainder of your stay aboard the U.S.S. Voyager. Which, judging by the looks of things, will be about seventy five years. Because we are very, very far from Earth, which is, in fact, our final destination." Captain Janeway lookedat all the people standing in front of her.

Someone raised their hand. "…Umm…Captain Janeway, Ma'am…?" The someone said.

"Yes.." Captain Janeway looked down at the list of names on the clipboard she was holding, "…Ensign Kim?"

"…Well, sir…I mean ma'am, isn't that kinda redundant? I mean isn't a destination by definition final? So isn't it kinda, you know _pointless _to say FINAL destination since by definition a destination has to be final in order for it to be a destination, other wise it wouldn't be a destination but a, I don't know… stop over or something? You know what I mean Captain?" Ensign Kim said nervously, while nervously wringing his hands in a very nervous manner, and looking quite nervously nervous.

Captain Janeway just looked at him, her eyes all wide like and her mouth open a tinsy winsy ittsy bittsy teeny-weeny bit. "…Um…yeah…OK. OK then." She paused "OK I'm gonna call your name and I want you to say 'here' or 'present' or something like that, so I can see who is part of the crew…or something like that. OK?" there were lots of murmured murmurs of acknowledged acknowledgments and such.

Captain Janeway proceeded to take roll call.


	2. The Spanish Inquisition

A/N Greetings fellow sentient life forms. It is I, Qfan, the author of this story. Now, before we go on to the story I have a few announcements to announce. The first announcement, which shall henceforth be known, as 'The First Announcement' is as follows: I do not own any of the people, characters, things, or ideas, except for those that I do. Unless of course I don't, but those that I do own, do in fact, belong to me. The next announcement is this: I would like to thank my reviewers for their kind reviews to which I shall respond to below. To those of you who read but did not review, I ask you to please review. Because if I don't get reviews I won't write more. So please review.

I shall now respond to my kind reviewing reviewers' reviews.

Purpleirishdancer: Yes. I am a Python fan, as is evident by this chapter. Thank you for reviewing.

Firebirdgirl: Yes I am, as this chapter proves, but I am sorry to inform you that I can only write when inspiration strikes and I never know when that will be. So I don't know how long it will be between updates. Thank you for adding me to your alerts.

Artsy: Sorry, but no. Though I have seen The Powerpuff Girls, I am not a fan.

Voyfan: Again, yes. I am planing to write more but as I told Firebirdgirl I don't know how often.

Maroondreamer: I am very glad I could make you laugh.

**Now then, on to the story!**

All was calm aboard Voyager. The captain was calm. The first officer was calm. The helmsman was calm. The tactical officer was calm, although even if he wasn't, no one would know. The ops officer was calm. The ensigns were calm. The chief engineer wasn't so calm. All was not calm aboard Voyager.

A lone ensign walked onto the bridge and stopped in front of the captain. "Trouble in engineering"

"Oh no," sighed Captain Janeway, "what sort of trouble?"

" I don't know. B'Elana just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble in engineering. That's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."

All the sudden, three men in red dresses appeared on the viewscreen. They were cardinals.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" proclaimed Cardinal Ximinez. "Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four ...no... amongst our weapons... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again."

The view screen turned off.

The view screen turned on.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - oh damn!"

"_Excuse me," _Janeway interrupted, "but who _ARE_ you?"

Cardinal Ximinez looked taken aback. "I am Cardinal Ximinez!" Cardinal Ximinez said. "This, is Cardinal Biggles!" He then gestured over to the man waring goggles. "And Cardinal Fang." He gestured dismissive at Cardinal Fang.

"I see, and what exactly are you doing in the Delta Quadrant?"

"Um…the what?" Cardinal Biggles tilted his head confusedly.

"The…_delta quadrant_? Is that where we are?" Cardinal Ximinez asked.

"Yes." Janeway was getting annoyed. "Why are you here?"

"Oh. That's because someone said they weren't expecting the Spanish inquisition. You see nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four ...no... amongst our weapons... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise…"

"STOP!" 

"What? Oh, sorry."

"Do you know the way back to Earth?"

"Nope sorry."

"That's quite alright."

The three cardinals disappeared.

Janeway took out a map and looked for Earth.


End file.
